Indonesia and a Noble Beast

The mismanagement of plastic waste in Indonesia, the world’s fourth most populous country and second largest polluter, is, at its core, a global crisis. The Indonesian government, the World Bank, the United Nations Environment Programme, and an untold number of non-governmental organizations have worked tirelessly for years, investing countless resources, to develop and implement strategies to both manage and reduce waste in the archipelagic country. To date, significant progress has been made and the government is to be lauded for their efforts. Still, much work remains. Fortunately for Indonesia, the problem of plastic marine waste was on the list of available topics for a solution proposal essay due in my class on rhetoric.

Despite being completely unaware of the issue just over a week ago, while pouring over various reports and documents Tuesday evening, I had an epiphany between my first and second snacks of the night and developed a simple plan to solve the problem entirely. (“You know what? I think we’re done with the carrot. It’s time for the stick.”) I must say, I’m very excited for the people of Indonesia. I only wish—and I’m sure others will feel similarly—I had been presented with the problem earlier. Shortly after midnight last night, I submitted the assignment, watched some Project Runway, and went to bed.

At 8:09 this morning, I got out of bed. I then made coffee, logged into school, and downloaded the final assignment for another English class. After closing the school-related tabs from my browser, I stared blankly at the page that had been open for weeks displaying my earlier search results for the term “noble beast”.

Sigh. Let’s go back.

At 8:09 this morning, I got out of bed. Throwing back the covers, I stretched my feet down to the floor to begin my morning routine. I shuffled my way to the bathroom and as I caught myself in the mirror, I turned to the right and gazed over my left shoulder at my reflected self. I shimmied my pajama pants down a couple of inches and, with my right hand, raised my t-shirt to my chest. I slowly slid my left hand down the increasingly elliptical shape of my belly that has been moving outward away from my frame as subtly as continental drift.

I ran my hand down the curve once more and when it reached the squishy base, I drew my fingers back along the newly developed crease, out toward the sides, and back along my hips. With the tips of my fingers, I gave the rounded flesh a little flip and a tap, a slap and a jiggle, and then, grabbing a handful of flab, lifted it up before letting it bounce back to its natural state. “Oof.”

I pulled back my shoulders, sucked in my stomach, and took in this new and better version of myself. “Ah. Okay. That’s much better.”

“Designers, you are safe. You can leave the runway.”

Eye contact in the mirror: “You are a noble beast,” and showing great restraint, I managed to keep my finger guns holstered. With the coffee made, the assignment downloaded, and the school tabs closed, I re-read the search results for “noble beast.” I needed confirmation that I hadn’t forgotten what it meant and also that its etymology and usage weren’t problematic.

The term ‘noble beast’ is used to describe a tiger because it kills its prey for hunger, rather than for pleasure like other wild animals.

Deflated, I let the air out of my fattened cheeks. There had been nothing noble about the way I killed off that box of Pop-Tarts earlier in the week.

“I really need to change my diet and start exercising again,” I tell myself. “I have got to get serious. But it is a little too late in the morning now to exercise. Tomorrow really is a better day to start back. Definitely better. I’ve got a lot to do today. I need to put up my holiday decorations. I also need to find out who I need to talk to in Indonesia. Man, they are gonna be so happy!”

And so begins another day.